I've been an addict for as long as I can remember. I was 8 years old when I first experienced a hang over from sneaking drinks when my father asked me to get him a beer. I started drinking alcohol and smoking pot on a regular basis when I was 10 years old. I was the youngest of four children. My siblings were very much into substance abuse. I was convinced that it was "normal" "everybody did it". By the age of 14 I was into L.S.D mescalin and anything else I could get my hands on.
One hot summer back in 1973 when I was 16 years old I was involved in a vehicle/pedestrian accident. I was the pedestrian who was run over by my best friend after a heated argument, the result of a drinking binge gone bad. I sustained a crushed ankle out the deal and narrowly escaped with my life. I was in the hospital for 12 weeks heavily medicated with opiates. When I was released I withdrew cold turkey not really understanding why I was so sick as the doctors never informed me of the impending suffering.
I suffered with intense chronic pain from that day on. I refused pharmaceutical drug treatment after my hospital stay. I had watched my older siblings struggle with pharmaceutical addictions. My sister committed suicide in the fall of 1973. She was a benzo addict at the time and I swore I would never go there. I did however continue to experiment with street drugs {as if they were any better} in an attempt to hide the physical and emotional pain that I was experiencing.
As the years progressed the pain got worse and worse until my mobility was notably impaired. I endured an operation every 5 years in an attempt to fix my deformed ankle.
My brother committed suicide in December of 2000 the product of cocaine psychosis. By the winter of 2004 I could no longer take the physical pain and emotional anguish. Trying to avoid an inevitable ankle fusion I gave into a pharmaceutical pain management regime. In hind sight it shouldn't have been any surprise that I quickly graduated to 480 m.g per day morphine and a 12 m.g. per day clonazepam addiction.
I could no longer function I slept most of the day and sometimes wondered if I would wake up, or not. All my medication was prescribed and I never bought drugs off the street. My doctor kept increasing my dose without questioning my use. The local pharmacy became my candy store. I reaped the psychological benefits, however the drugs hardly masked my physical pain.
In august of 2006 I realized that I was going to die if I continued using so booked myself in a local detox center and proceeded with a cold turkey withdrawal. I beat the morphine habit in six days and was released from the facility, but Nothing could have ever prepared me for what the benzos had in store for me. I experienced 30 days of convulsions seizures and anxiety attacks leaving me wondering if perhaps I would have been better off if I had just continued using until I did in fact die.
I had very little in the way of a support network, not that it wasn't available, but because I was in no "way, shape, or form", able to seek outside help. I tried to get back into detox but for some reason they would not accept me back. It was my strong commitment that pulled me through. I was determined to beat the beast and my perseverance payed off in the end, I was drug free.
On August 30th 2007 I mustered up the courage to have my ankle fused with sincere hopes that the pain would end. After 11 months of a painful recovery, I unfortunately realized that I had jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. Not only was the pain still there, I was also once again addicted to Narcotics. What ensued was another 30 days of gradual withdrawal. I am once again drug free. I have willfully chosen to suffer the pain rather than to fall in the trap again.
I know there are others out there that have experienced the same devastating effects of addiction that I have. Others may, or may not have experienced what I went through with physical pain, but I am certain that others can relate to the debilitating effects of addiction and it is my hope that I may attract some of them to my blog.
Please share your thoughts, opinions and feelings. It can be a cleansing experience to get your "stuff" out so others may benefit from your experiences.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
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Recovery
- http://websitejudge.com/en/health/addictions/freedomsdoorkelowna.com
- http://www.innervisionsrecovery.com/
- http://www.nationalantidrugstrategy.gc.ca/nr-cp/doc2008_09_04.html
- http://rehabdrugcanada.com/BC-outpatient.html
- http://www.freemyaddiction.com/british_columbia_drug_rehab.html
- http://www.health.gov.bc.ca/whb/publications/alcohol.html
- http://www.wikidweb.com/wiki/British-columbia-drug-rehab.com
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- http://listingsbc.ca/health/Addiction/
- http://www.journalofcommerce.com/article/id30374
- http://www.canadadrugrehab.ca/British-Columbia-Alcohol-Drug-Rehab-Programs.html
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- http://www.mapinc.org/drugnews/v08/n1005/a01.html?999
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- http://www.charityvillage.com/cv/nonpr/nonpr21.html
- http://www.addictionnomore.com/british.columbia.canada.html
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- http://www.roundlake.bc.ca/
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- http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/pro/a/blprocan.htm
- http://www.orchardrecovery.com/
- http://www.canadiandrugrehabcentres.com/
- http://www.ahomeaway.org/
- http://www.drug-rehab.ca/BCrehabcenter.htm
- http://pacificintervention.com/1.html
- http://www.salvationarmy.ca/2007/07/13/the-salvation-army%E2%80%99s-addiction-work/
- http://www.cedarscobblehill.com/index.htm?source=google&group=drug&gclid=COb1uaiv5JYCFQ8QagodVGCKPg
Thanks for opening up and letting me into your life a bit. My Dad has never ever spoke to me about any of this stuff, and I guess it sort of gives me a look into his life as well. You are a strong person ((((((HUGS))))))
ReplyDeleteLove you!
~Angela
oh i am so proud of you! being able to open up and be straight with yourself and others takes alot of courage! plus you have a cat a day picture on your blog;)
ReplyDeletelove you much! miss you! xox-jen