I've been an addict for as long as I can remember. I was 8 years old when I first experienced a hang over from sneaking drinks when my father asked me to get him a beer. I started drinking alcohol and smoking pot on a regular basis when I was 10 years old. I was the youngest of four children. My siblings were very much into substance abuse. I was convinced that it was "normal" "everybody did it". By the age of 14 I was into L.S.D mescalin and anything else I could get my hands on.

One hot summer back in 1973 when I was 16 years old I was involved in a vehicle/pedestrian accident. I was the pedestrian who was run over by my best friend after a heated argument, the result of a drinking binge gone bad. I sustained a crushed ankle out the deal and narrowly escaped with my life. I was in the hospital for 12 weeks heavily medicated with opiates. When I was released I withdrew cold turkey not really understanding why I was so sick as the doctors never informed me of the impending suffering.

I suffered with intense chronic pain from that day on. I refused pharmaceutical drug treatment after my hospital stay. I had watched my older siblings struggle with pharmaceutical addictions. My sister committed suicide in the fall of 1973. She was a benzo addict at the time and I swore I would never go there. I did however continue to experiment with street drugs {as if they were any better} in an attempt to hide the physical and emotional pain that I was experiencing.

As the years progressed the pain got worse and worse until my mobility was notably impaired. I endured an operation every 5 years in an attempt to fix my deformed ankle.

My brother committed suicide in December of 2000 the product of cocaine psychosis. By the winter of 2004 I could no longer take the physical pain and emotional anguish. Trying to avoid an inevitable ankle fusion I gave into a pharmaceutical pain management regime. In hind sight it shouldn't have been any surprise that I quickly graduated to 480 m.g per day morphine and a 12 m.g. per day clonazepam addiction.

I could no longer function I slept most of the day and sometimes wondered if I would wake up, or not. All my medication was prescribed and I never bought drugs off the street. My doctor kept increasing my dose without questioning my use. The local pharmacy became my candy store. I reaped the psychological benefits, however the drugs hardly masked my physical pain.

In august of 2006 I realized that I was going to die if I continued using so booked myself in a local detox center and proceeded with a cold turkey withdrawal. I beat the morphine habit in six days and was released from the facility, but Nothing could have ever prepared me for what the benzos had in store for me. I experienced 30 days of convulsions seizures and anxiety attacks leaving me wondering if perhaps I would have been better off if I had just continued using until I did in fact die.

I had very little in the way of a support network, not that it wasn't available, but because I was in no "way, shape, or form", able to seek outside help. I tried to get back into detox but for some reason they would not accept me back. It was my strong commitment that pulled me through. I was determined to beat the beast and my perseverance payed off in the end, I was drug free.

On August 30th 2007 I mustered up the courage to have my ankle fused with sincere hopes that the pain would end. After 11 months of a painful recovery, I unfortunately realized that I had jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire. Not only was the pain still there, I was also once again addicted to Narcotics. What ensued was another 30 days of gradual withdrawal. I am once again drug free. I have willfully chosen to suffer the pain rather than to fall in the trap again.

I know there are others out there that have experienced the same devastating effects of addiction that I have. Others may, or may not have experienced what I went through with physical pain, but I am certain that others can relate to the debilitating effects of addiction and it is my hope that I may attract some of them to my blog.

Please share your thoughts, opinions and feelings. It can be a cleansing experience to get your "stuff" out so others may benefit from your experiences.